There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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