i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize