Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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