she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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