He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
