that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
