Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
