shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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