walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
