i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
