well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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