We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
