i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
