all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize