My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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