So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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