I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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