come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
