Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize