apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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