3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
