he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
