I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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