So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
