I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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