Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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