But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So much rum. So many feels.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
