People in love make me want to vomit
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
