Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
