Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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