these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize