I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
