What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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