I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
