Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
