he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize