I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
