I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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