I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I deserve this hangover.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize