oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
