I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize