why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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