Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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