Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
