Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
