i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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