I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
