just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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