I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
