oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
