That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize