As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
