She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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