I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Houston, we have a blender
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
