I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
