Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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