you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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