i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
