Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
