She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
