and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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