If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
