let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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