I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize