cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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