my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
