Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Mom said you looked used
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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