So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
