I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
