so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize