i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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