she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
