i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
