she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
