I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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