We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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