I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
