Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
