So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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