Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
