You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize