It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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