i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
