3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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