It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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