she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
