I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
