Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
