Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
