where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
