her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
