she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
