Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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