I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
