I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
