My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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