Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
