just tell him i said nine months
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
