The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
