I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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