you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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