Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
too bad you live with your parents still
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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