Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
