did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
