I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
