How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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