Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
