just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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